The Un-Resolution Resolution
Every single year, as the calendar page flips I vow to be a “new, better, more amazing” version of myself. I fail, every-single-year. I don’t know about you but I get caught up in making grandiose resolutions to become a Pinterest mom who finally loses all of her baby weight and morphs herself into this gorgeous model-like superhuman that cooks healthy well-balanced meals, while in high-heels doing yoga. Instead what happens is a week into my new year's plans, I realize that none of that is actually going to happen and I give up altogether. I then spend the remaining months of the year beating myself up over not being able to stick to these resolutions, which if I am honest were realistically out of reach in the first place anyway. In 2019, I vow to get rid of resolutions once and for all and instead write down my top three most important “un-resolutions.”
Getting Healthy i.e. Losing Weight- I think no matter how amazingly in shape you are every single person after the holiday season has this one on their list! I vow to not pigeon-hole myself into the newest fad diet but will instead focus on healing my inside so that I can stop sabotaging myself with unhealthy behaviors that lead to weight gain in the first place. I am going to make a plan to put my oxygen mask on first so that I can help others with theirs. In allowing myself to internally heal I give myself permission to love me as much as I love the people around me. (Shhh...I have also heard that with a consistent well-balanced meal plan, exercise, and getting the appropriate amount of sleep I should be able to drop those pesky pounds after my insides do all that healing. Apparently, there is no secret recipe for that. I’ll keep you guys updated on my progress.)
Becoming the Perfect Mom-Let’s get this straight. There’s literally no such thing. Finding the “perfect” mom is like trying to ride the rainbow, fall onto a glittering unicorn in the enchanted forest on your way to the leprechaun's house so that he can give you his pot of gold. Like I said she doesn’t exist. What I will do instead of conforming myself into a maternal image that is unachievable is to accept the mama that I already am. Love my children so fiercely that when they leave the room my heart feels empty. Take the time to put my phone (computer, spatula, laundry) down and really listen to my daughter as she dishes the dirt of 7th grade. Go into my teenager's room in the early hours of the morning where I can still see a glimpse of my sweet baby in his man-face. Play the hundredth game of Clue with my “baby” boys as they stare in amazement when I solve the murder; “Ms. Peacock did it in the Billiards room with a revolver.” I will forgive myself my unending lists of imperfections because Allah (God) must've felt that these four souls belonged to me and I am the mother that they need and although I am not perfect I am enough.
Increasing My Sense of Spirituality-I wish I could say that I was a “perfect” Muslim and that I prayed 5 times a day with the most focused intention and that I stopped EVERY thing I was doing as soon as I heard the Athan (call of prayer). Or that I read a new book on Islamic history every month so that I can then spin that educational tale into an amazing bed-time story at night. Sadly I can’t. Realistically speaking I forget a lot of the time or I rush the prayers in between work, cooking dinner, and running my Z crew all over Northern Virginia. Not my proudest admission but in my attempt at being authentic, I have to share with you MY truth. This year instead of checking the box I will start taking the time to breathe and experience prayer (insert meditation/ worship/invocation) the way it was meant to be experienced. It is a mandated break in our day that allows us to take a moment of respite in an otherwise crazy-busy existence. It’s essentially Allah (God) telling us to take a timeout. So breathe in and breath out, enjoy.
I could take an entire day to write out all of the things that I need to improve or would like to achieve in the year that lays ahead before me, but remember I’ve been down that winding road before and I know it leads to nowhere. It is my belief that buried within these three “un-resolutions” there are a lot of hidden gems of enlightenment that if I take the time to look for them they will reveal themselves to me. It is with my sincere hope that it will for you as well and I wish you and yours the happiest of new years...
Until Next Time,