Things Moms Say At Desi Weddings
Summertime brings many things to mind! Beaches, sandy feet, fireflies, campfires, and in the “Desi (Indo-Pak) Community, it also means WEDDINGS. WIth four kids packed in the car we headed out on our Shaadi-Adventure. Here are just a few things I find myself saying on REPEAT:
1) Yes, we have to go. Because I said so. I know there’s a wedding ever year. Yes, we get married a lot.
2) Because family is important, dammit. Idk how they’re related. They just are.
3) I’ll let you use your electronics. All weekend (or week depending on duration of the wedding).
4) You have to wear it. Because I said so (repeat half a dozen times daily for 3-7 days depending on duration of wedding).
5) No, they’re not clown pants, and you have to wear them. No, they fit fine. No, you can’t fly in them if you jump off the roof. No, you don’t look like Aladdin. Ok, a little.
6) Eat now. Trust me because we won’t eat dinner until bedtime. Idk why we eat so late at weddings, I don’t make the rules.
7) Pee before we leave because I am not undoing your pants every time you have to go at the party. I don’t know why the tailor didn’t make a normal belt-did I SEW this?!? No!
8-Come here and give salaam. Do it again. And again. I SAID they’re related! Quit asking how.
9) Smile/pose for the photo. I said, “Smile!” Don’t make me hurt you.
10) Do you want me to hurt you? (Repeat multiple times for 3-7 days....)
11) Idk when dinner is. This is why we ate at 6. Now you can be hungry until 10pm. Suck it up.
12) Can I just have ONE picture with all my kids? Just stand here away from your sister. Because you’ll want this picture after I’m dead! Forget it, get out of the picture. I’ll just pretend I don’t have any kids.
13) Why are you wrestling in your expensive clothes?!?!! You spilled Coke on them, too?!!? How’d you rip that? How did you rip it THERE?!?!
14) The food’s too spicy? Aren’t you glad you ate before? Didn’t I tell you to eat before? Too bad, now starve. Fine, drink more Coke.
15) Get on the stage for a picture. Come back here for a picture. Hide your Coke stain/hole in the back. Where are you going?!?! We are taking family pictures!!!
16) You can have chai. Because you already had 2L Coke and idc anymore. Just one cup. Wait, you had HOW many already?
17) Yes, there’s no bedtime tonight (for 3-7 days.....). I know it’s midnight and you’ve had a million cups of soda and chai. Yes, I know you’ll be up all night in the hotel. No, the pool will be closed.
18) We’re leaving. Right now. Oh, NOW you want to stay? Where’s your brother/sister/cousin?
19) Yes, I’ll call your cousin for a play date. No, you can’t sleepover. Yes, yes, they’re family, but they’re tired, too (repeat multiple times a day for 3-7....).
20) I’m glad you lost your cell phone! Leave it on the table and go wrestling some more. This is why we don’t have electronics.
21) Where are your shoes/jewelry/siblings? We are LEAVING!